Inglourious Burgers

It was Thursday night, and we needed a proper dinner with which to feed our Inglourious Basterds viewing party. Inspired by the rock-solid lump of Nature's Promise ground beef in our freezer, we decided to make burgers. This warranted another trip to the Shoppers on Route 1, where we decided to buy some necessary burger building components, such as iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, dijon mustard, and bacon. Three pounds of bacon, to be exact. A lot of bacon, yes, but too much bacon? No. There is no such thing as too much bacon.

We were also lucky enough to borrow a cast-iron skillet which was the perfect cooking instrument for our little burgers. It got a little smoky in our apartment, but by turning on the hood vent, as well as the two bathroom fans, our smoke alarm went undisturbed. On the other hand, we're not even sure our smoke alarm works. Hmm...maybe we should get that fixed...

Pots: 0
Burners: 1
Knives: 1
Bacon: Lots.

Inspired by various burger recipes across the web.
Makes ~9 5oz. burgers (makes more or less depending on the size)

3 lbs ground beef
2 tsp salt and a little extra
1 tsp pepper
3 tomatoes
1 head iceberg lettuce
As much bacon as you want
Hamburger buns
Sliced cheese
Condiments (Ketchup, mustard, mayo, etc.)

Heat pan or skillet on medium high heat. Place bacon slices on the pan and cook until crisp.

Meanwhile, put all of the ground beef into a large mixing bowl. Measure in the salt and pepper. Using clean hands or a wooden spoon, mix the meat together, making sure to thoroughly incorporate the seasoning. When the bacon is done, remove the pieces from the pan and pour extra drippings into a jar for later cooking.

Use your hands to form and pat the seasoned beef into small to medium sized burger patties, about the size of your palm. Shape to your own liking, keeping in mind that the meat will plump up once cooked, so thicker patties will be quite tall. Using the extra bit of salt, rub a little bit into the surface of each patty to ensure flavor.

Place the patties on the skillet and cook for about 5-7 minutes on one side. Turn to the other side, flipping only once, for another 6 minutes. Don't press down, or all the delicious meaty juices will get pushed out and you'll end up with a sad, dry patty. Doneness will vary according to size, thickness, and personal taste. Place hamburger buns under the broiler to toast for just a few minutes.

For cheeseburgers, place a slice (or two!) of cheese on each burger while it cooks on the second side. Once the patty is cooked and the cheese has started to melt, take the patties off the skillet. Take the buns out of the oven.

Start an assembly line! Slice tomatoes, separate lettuce leaves, place bacon on a dish, and put out condiments. This way, each person can put together his/her own burger the way he/she likes it.

Then feast.